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Suiting Up

We met with our doctor today to discuss Plan B. (Yes, already…) In a nutshell, after 3 rounds of IUI, our doc wants to move on to IVF. However, during our chat, she was emailing back and forth with the chick who handles health insurance. During their email exchange, it came to light that my insurance does NOT cover any portion of IVF treatment. We previously thought that IVF would be covered IF we went through 6 unsuccessful rounds of IUI. Whelp... we were mistaken. Hearing this was like taking a knife to the heart. While I’m hopeful that one of these IUIs will work, I’m also realistic. I know that my diagnosis is not good and that women with DOR typically only have success conceiving via IVF rather than IUI. On top of this, we found out that my FSH is high (13… it really needs to be less than 10). This just solidifies that I have diminished ovarian reserve and that time is not on our side. more

I had car trouble this morning, so my mom dropped me off at the doctor’s office where I met Mike. Good thing Mike drove us home because I cried the whole way… I weeped silently as we drove through rush hour traffic wiping my tear-soaked face with the sweater I wore to work. I know we have 5 more rounds of IUI left, but our plan B is now non-existent. We can’t afford to pay for IVF out-of-pocket, and we can’t take out a loan to fund it because we’re currently paying off Mike’s student loans. (Damn student loans!) Mike thinks we can find a way to fund the IVF, but I’m not banking on it (pun intended). I’m just praying, wishing, hoping that one of these remaining IUIs works…. It has to -- it just has to.

I feel like I’ve been bullied and beaten up. And I’m fucking exhausted. This process is so physically and emotionally draining… and it’s just beginning. I can only imagine how the women and men feel who have been battling infertility for years. I have so much respect for those who are powering through this shit.

To those of you struggling with infertility: You are strong and brave. You are a warrior. You don’t hear it enough and you may not even believe it, but you are! As your fellow warrior, I’m suiting up, sharpening my sword, lifting my shield and preparing for battle. It won’t be easy, and it sure as shit won’t be fun, but it will be worth it!

 

Quoted: “Scared is what you're feeling. Brave is what you're doing.” ― Emma Donoghue, Room

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